


Where it all started

by NeverAndAlways



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Gen, I do not ship Rey and Kylo, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Memories, Mind Meld, No Slash, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, POV Rey (Star Wars), Past Mpreg, Rey Skywalker, at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9097984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverAndAlways/pseuds/NeverAndAlways
Summary: My re-telling of the interrogation scene. Rey and Kylo remember things they'd rather leave forgotten.Sort of ties in with my previous fic, 'Sister' (http://archiveofourown.org/works/6630619/chapters/15171631)





	

"...You still want to kill me."

"That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask."

Kylo Ren takes off his helmet. He's no longer a monster, just a man, plain and pale as hell - but no less frightening.

Rey feels a surge of emotion - fear, apprehension, anger, disgust...and recognition? That surprises her. Of course, she recognizes him as Kylo Ren, but she _knows_ him, too, in a way she can't quite place. He's familiar.

"You know I can take whatever I want."

Kylo extends his hand. This scavenger shouldn't be any trouble at all. There's something about her, though, something he thinks he recognizes...he brushes it off. Inconsequential. He has work to do. The Force flows through him and into her mind, winds through the cracks...

Rey feels it pushing against her brain, almost like a physical pressure. It slips past before she can stop it.

"You're so lonely. So afraid to leave."

An image is dragged to the surface of Rey's mind: a ship flying over the desert, away from her, until it's just a speck in the distance-

"At night, desperate to sleep."

A sandstorm, from inside her home in a fallen AT-AT. Sand scouring everything inside, including her-

"You imagine an ocean...I see it. I see the island."

There are trees. Plants. She's standing underneath a colossal ship, and there are people with her, people she knows-

"And Han Solo. You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you."

A face, smiling down at her. She can't see it clearly, and yet it's so familiar that it aches-

"Get out of my head." she grits the words out between clenched teeth.

Suddenly Kylo is thrust back out of her mind. He reels for a split second. She pushed him away. How-?

Focus, Ren. Your mission.

He extends his hand again, determined. "I know you've seen the map. It's in there. And now you'll give it to me."

The Force comes roaring in again. There's resistance, but that should be easy enough to crack. He drives the Force like a wedge into the barrier - and it bounces off. He tries again.

Something clicks.

 _Rey_.

 _Sister_.

He feels something click on the other side of the barrier. She's made the same realization.

"Don't be afraid, I feel it too."

There's something trying to come to the surface in his own mind. He squashes it down, pushes past it. It doesn't matter who she is. You fear nothing. Complete your mission, Ren. Supreme Leader Snoke will be proud.

"I'm not giving you anything." Rey's voice is strained. Keeping him out is taking everything she's got. He smirks.

"We'll see."

He pushes forward again. She pushes back.

And the floodgates open.

It's like a deck of cards being shuffled. Memories pour into his head, one after another. Some are his, some hers. He can't pull away.

He's a child again, sitting with his parents and uncle, holding a baby in his arms - baby Rey learning to walk, clutching his hands for support - himself as a teenager, lounging somewhere in the Falcon - his uncle's face, laughing, happy - himself again, seen from the back, piloting a shuttlecraft - a desert - his parents' faces - his uncle's other students, the Jedi-in-training - a lightsaber-

She shoves him away again. There's a dangerous glint in her eyes.

She does know him.

Ben.

Her brother. He protected her, he took care of her, and _he broke his promise_. It's his fault she's spent her life stuck in that trash heap, waiting for someone who had no intention of coming back, and she has never been so angry in her life. She can still feel the Force pressing on her mind, but now she finds she can use it to her advantage.

"You." she spits. "You're afraid. That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader."

That does it. He falters and stumbles back as though burned. And there's fear in his eyes.

Good.

-

Kylo orders the guards to keep Rey under lock and key and close supervision, and heads for his quarters. His head is pounding; he knows what's coming.

He barely makes it there before the memory hits.

_"Rey?"_

_He's in the Falcon. Striding through the ring corridor to the quarters he shares with his little half-sister. He can feel his lightsaber - brand-new - holstered on his belt, and his hands are shaking a little. This is just after the incident._

_"Rey...?"_

_He walks into their room. Rey is sitting on the floor, playing with her fighter pilot doll. Can't be more than three years old. She smiles when she sees him._

_"Ben!"_

_"We have to go, Rey, come on." he crouches  and holds out his hand. "Your doll can come too."_

_"Why?" she doesn't protest, although she looks suspicious._

_"It's a surprise. Up you go-" Kylo hoists her into his arms. She's getting big. And heavy. He walks back out into the corridor with Rey hanging off of him like a little contented monkey. It makes his heart hurt, considering what he's about to do. What he has to do._

_"Ben?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Where are we going?"_

_Kylo has to think quickly. "We're going to play a trick on your dad and uncle. We're playing a game with them."_

_"Oh. Okay." she sounds onboard with it, at least._

_Kylo walks down the entry ramp. There's a shuttle idling close by; he hurries over to it. It's a bit cramped inside, but that's okay. He sits Rey down in the back._

_"Hold on tight, okay?"_

_"'K."_

_The coordinates are already in the computer. Retract the landing gear, start up the engine, and they're off. He makes the jump to hyperspace as soon as they're clear of the planet._

_Jakku is a small planet. Nondescript and out of the way. The shuttle touches down just outside a little trading outpost. Kylo glances back; Rey is asleep._

_His hand wanders down to the lightsaber at his belt. He could do it now. It would be quick and easy. No mess. No one would have to know. He pulls the lightsaber out of its holster and traces the ignition button. One way or another, he has to get rid of her. She's Force-sensitive. She's a threat. It would be so easy..._

_And then he's standing up and sliding the lightsaber back into its holster._

_"Rey, wake up. We're here."_

_She opens her eyes and looks around. "Where are we?"_

_"It's called Jakku. Come on."_

_Kylo leads his sister out of the shuttle. The sun is startlingly bright; they both have to take a moment to adjust._

_"Over here."_

_There's a downed combat walker half-buried in the dunes. He ducks inside, and Rey follows._

_"Can we hide here?" she climbs under a control panel._

_"Good idea. You stay under there, I'll find somewhere to hide too."_

_"We're gonna surprise papa and Uncle Han!"_

_"That's right, we are." with one last glance back, Kylo walks into the adjacent room. He can hear Rey giggling. He knows what he has to do; he can see the shuttlecraft outside. But it's so difficult._

_He finds himself tiptoeing down the gangplank. The sand squeaks underfoot. He walks, then trots, then breaks into a run._

_"Ben!"_

_Don't look back. Don't look at her, don't look - Kylo boards the shuttle, slips into the pilot's seat._

_"Ben, wait!!"_

_She'll be okay. She's a smart child. She'll be safe. There are people here who can take care of her. With any luck, she'll never even know she's Force-sensitive. It's better this way. The shuttle doors close, blocking out her yells._

_I'm sorry, Rey._

The memory drops him with a jolt. He finds himself slumped by the bed. His head still hurts.

It was necessary. But for the first time, he wonders if it was right.

 

▪¤¤¤▪

**Author's Note:**

> If you like the story, please leave a comment - I'd love to hear from you!


End file.
